yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
