I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
