my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
