Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I party with great urgency now.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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