I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
