Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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