I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
