What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
