I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
