Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
