For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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