Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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