Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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