even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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