wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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