It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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