My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
