3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
