it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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