clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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