Your face is a jimmy john
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
