you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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