You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You need Xanax blowdarts
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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