she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
