Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Still dying that you shit outside
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
