Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
