WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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