It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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