I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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