1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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