bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
