your thong is hanging out like whoa
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
Had phone sex with my boss who I still havenāt seen in person. Howās your Monday ?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being āgoodā and 10 being ābanging a studentās fatherā, how bad is it that Iām banging a studentās father?
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