Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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