if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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