i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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