I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Can I color on your dick again?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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