Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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