Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
