wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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