I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
