Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
