**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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