There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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