my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
