Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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