The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
