I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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