If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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