dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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