my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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