so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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