i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
