This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
