How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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