tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
