I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
