someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's blow job season.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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