How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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