he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
