Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
