How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
