I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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