I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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