it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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