In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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