fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
